turkey

10pm, wed 22 nov 06
my 26 lb. turkey is barely even half-thawed, and it's the night before thanksgiving. time to pull out the five-gallon paint bucket.

there's more to this than meets the eye:

• with water and turkey, the bucket weighs 35-40 pounds
• sink grate is used to ensure the sink drain not obstructed by bucket
• four nailholes (two visible) allow water to drain out from the bottom of the bucket
• faucet hose is suspended above the water level to prevent bucket water from trickling down the hose and underneath my sink
• duct tape and small dish keep the frozen, floating bird underwater

cold tap water (77 degrees) is used for thawing. water flow is set to allow the minimal amount of overflow to ensure the bucket remains full. with a measured flow rate of 2.25 ml/sec per nailhole, and a bird taking up an estimated 66% of bucket space, i estimate that the bucket realizes a complete turnover in water once every 10.5 minutes. butterball recommends replacing the water once every 30 minutes for 15 hours when doing a cold-water thaw of a turkey this size: i'm well within the spec for water replacement, and given that the bird completed 50% of the recommended fridge thaw time, i speculate that within 8 hours, i'll have a thawed bird ready to rock.

i turn the kitchen radio to the classical station and let it play overnight. "kobe turkey," anyone?

[...]

11am, thu 23 nov 06
"operation: bucket thaw" is a smashing success! after approximately 10 hours in the bucket, the turkey is soft and malleable. the cavity is cold to the touch, but there are no signs of ice crystals anywhere. since i was sleeping, i don't know if the thawing process could have been shorter or not.

to prepare:

• rinse bird and pat dry, inside and out
• melt two sticks of butter, grease the entire outside of turkey
• rub both cavities with salt
• rub entire outside with garlic salt and pepper
• stuff both cavities with an even mix of gala apples, white onions, celery, rosemary, sage, thyme
• create an airy foil tent over bird in an aluminum turkey pan
• wrap ends of drumsticks and wingtips with foil
• chuck in preheated, 350 degree oven

6pm, thu 26 nov 06
6 hours and 350 degrees later... turk-a-tastic!

[note: the wings fell off upon removal from the oven; i hung them on the legs for lack of anywhere better to put them. what you see is not a genetic deformity.]